i regretted sending back the tables. she was there. i couldve gone back with her after the carnival clean up. but aiyah, not fated lah - got other chores to do.. but really, i longed to go back with her. it hurts me to she her goin back alone. well lets jus say ive gotta special feelings for her.. hehe :P


a song by luo zhi xiang SPECSHOW album, titled hao peng you (good friends) inspired me to write this.

when i walked past a pizza hut resturant recently, something made me thought of how long ive nvr been to a pizza hut resturant. this triggered a memory of an event where i remembered a time when i actually treated her (a church friend) to pizza sometime early this year.

at that time, what i thought of was jus going out with another friend. well, ive always been out and together with the poly lvl guys in our church. its like we've been together since pri 3 onwards and our bonds were stronger now than ever. except that she left our congregation for a very long period of time. so yeah, jus wanna get to know how shes been doing. auctally we live around the same area and its like i thought her parents moved away ever since she left. anyway,its kinda hard to make herself free and come out and have fun. it seems she's forever busy with homeworks and other things. thats why many times i dare not engage conversation with her - scarly she kenna pissed off with me den dun wan talk to me sia.. okay sidetrack liao - back to story..

i could still remember it was quite a long queue at the TM pizza hut resturant that evening, and its like i dunno what things to talk about loh.. and even throughout the dinner we said nothing. all i asked was like:" hao chi mah?" , i smiled at her and she smile back at me. her smile alone rock my world if only i could gaze at her smile agn... ahhh..

after that she met up with her other friend and the boyfriend to go buy some friends for another friend of theirs. i almost wandered off until she pulled me by the shirt. prob it didnt mean anything for her, but to me it was something significant for me. a start of a relationship? after a while i went home as they continued on. and i was like wtf i didnt say much things to her and i didnt spend much time with her?


now that was something i acutally regretted. that night couldve turn out better. as in like be with her until she reach home loh. it couldve turn out to be a date, but i didnt take the chance. pherhaps i wasnt ready then. until now i still kinda regretted. aiya sianz.. damned.

after that i didnt talk to her for a few months. firstly, i was really busy then. secondly, i didnt know what to say to her after that. she mightve thought shes not my type lol. but still, aiyah.. sianz.. why did i wasted that chance? zzz...

probably because i didnt ask god about it ba? like though i desire for a relationship with her, but i didnt pray to god about it. all i did was keep quiet. but then again, from an observation from my school friends, something made me wonder: is it because of us christians, a religious barrier that we should not have BGR at such an early age, that singapore is suffering from low birth rates? (theres nth dirty mind you, unless you're thinking dirty lol)


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in my school, my original class was split up during our 2nd semester. now, i kinda like my new class already more than my 1st sem class - its much more interesting. with our 3rd term over, i itched to write this.

a friend who was in "relationship" with another schoolmate. both of the same class. she wept over a failing relationship and sought advice frm her friends. that guy's prob a jerk. to the 3rd parties, it really doesnt looked like they're together. i had to observe more carefully to know whats happening. and one time she asked for my comments about their relationship and what they could do. ive never even been in a relationship before - how could i give her advice about it? well i could lent her a listening ear, and what i could do is to tell her my observations frm around my other friends who are in relationship and also biblically (if i could lol).

but what i really wanna bring the message across is that, you're still young. there are other people you havnt met. what we could do for u is to offer you advices frm what we see what we hear and what we expirienced. to decide wheather to go on or not, you alone ultimately must decide alone.

and this reflected back onto a relationship between me and my church friend. shld i, shld i not? that is a question...

recently i felt that ive been with that school friend more often than usual. is that a sign of breakin of her relationship and a new relationship for me? okay, i frankly admit, she's quite georgeous, and shes the type of girl i liked - long hair, sweet, femine,etc. but to think a step ahead: she lives on the west side and me on the east - that alone's gonna a big problem. then i thought to myself: is it even possible even of that prob is curbed?

well, theres few reasons why i chose not to stay too close to her. firstly, i dont wanna other people mistook we are more of an item than her and her boyfriend (or such things). secondly, if she could salvage her current relationship, id be more happy for her. thirdly, i wanna stay true to my crash. we lived just near each other. if by chance we could be togehter.. thats something i could dream on.. zzzzzzzzz...

so, my schoolmate, if u happened to read this post, im terribly sorry for any misunderstandings. i just havta make clearly on where we stand currently, to think a step ahead of time, and how far our limits can go.