whatever things i do someone will be always be bad in the eyes of others. there are just too many to remember. take the most recent for example.

on one particular module of my course, where im suppose to do magazine layouts for my assignment project. for that week, im suppose to show my lect 5 spreads (1 spread =2 pages) of thumbnail sketches of magazine layouts.

to a classmate who only showed her a sketch and prob 2 magazines, she gave a go ahead sign. and yet to another classmate who did 5 thumbnail sketches from the SAME article, her tone was like "ok, can. do 2 more sketches of different genre and show me."

i didnt have time, we hadto complete 6 other projects in 2 weeks time. i did 4 from the same magazine. 4 of 5 skethes, which was still considered acceptable. and what was the lects response?

"i see only ONE thumbnail. where are the REST? NO, you're doin it all WRONG! these thumnails are about the same. i want to see 4 different thumnail pictures. you only have 2 weeks left, how are u goin to complete it?"

whats wrong with me? whats wrong with her?

SHE'S BIAS.

the previous week, we're (+ my other 2 classmates) suppose to hand her our resume design. because of one bloody fat printer guy, who took an hour to print 3 peices of a3 paper, that we had our marks downgraded. and often she sees the upper half of the class (mixed class) more than the lower half (my class). because of her, our (my class) projects are often neglected. again,

SHE'S BIAS


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and then the 10 march booklet. dx told me to do the cover. i did it.

just before CNY he sent me the contents in Words, and told me to tell the rest " MAYBE thurs go pasir ris park reccey - not confirm yet"

that sunday he didnt reply my msg. it wasnt confirmed, so i didnt tell the rest. only until late monday night after i just got out of malaysia frm visiting relatives, then he reply me.

what? just because i didnt tell them, its my fault? hey, its your job to co-ordinate them not me. besides, u didnt even reply my msg. i only told de liang thurs go reccey, not confirmed. okay, let it rest. least we still got some time to inform the rest. (ended up we had to meet up on sat afternoon)

the next day i told matt to do the schedule, as im too busy with assignments. he told me he busy the whole week, including weekends. look, sometimes u've just gotta sacrifice abit of time to do something else more important. since no ones free, naturally i had to take over the job, since its all with me. nvm. i just need to re-shedule my time.

as i was goin thru the contents, i immediately told him after i spotted some loop holes in dx's design:

1. he didnt include a back cover.
2. there were insufficient pages to make into a booklet.
3. his language in the text are too informal. (i didnt tell him this because it can easily be changed)

yet, he didnt reply. again, i had to take it into my stride.

the schedule was easy. jus add in some simple, yet fancy designs and thats it. the greatest advantage was tat its black & white. i did it in about 45 mins. the pics are handdrawn on computer.

and now whats left are the song lyrics. it was prayers night that friday night. dx msg me to discuss about the booklet after the prayers. i had to rush down from sch to to attend the prayers, and also because chuan dao told me to return the song booklet with i unecesserily took it. i was at the office, tryin to bug zhao hao for the song lyrics. where was he?

his msg came after that. vaugely: "relax. sunday then come and do"

that message alone tells me he just doesnt have the sense of urgency to complete the booklet - he's too relax; kinda like toms A lvl, and he's doing last minute revision.

me, as a budding artist/designer, rushing for deadline is considered very common already. heck his msg, i stay up the whole night and did the rest of the booklet for about 6 hours. after i completed the booklet at 6.30am, and after 3 hours of sleep, i had to rush to church to oversee the booklet getting published. pretty much similiar to my last sem's asessment period - very hectic lah.. it took me 2 hours+ to get it done. after leaving the printing to cai hong, i STILL have to rush to Pasir Ris park for the reccey. and then right after than had to had dinner at my relative's house.. haai.. rao le wo ba... T-T

okay. then came sunday. yeah, i know.. i overslept - woke up at 2.30pm.. lol..

now wad? another msg frm dx. vaguely "u only had to do the front cover. u shld leave the rest of the booklet contents to me. i suppose to come on sunday to get it all printed."

i left the paper foldings to the rest. i told ray to msg the rest to come at 11.30am to do. 1hr 30 mins with a 30 min luch shld be able to finish 60 sets before the service starts. and did they come? NO.

he said to me i shld leave the rest to him. i alone came out only the contents in 6 hrs. he, who isnt familiar with the process of publishing, wad makes him think he could finish EVERYTHING in 2 hrs?

hey, publishing a book isnt something that u could get it all done in ONE whole day.

it mainly takes 3 person to make a book possible: the authur, the illustrator, AND the publisher.

i try to make him realize his problem, wad i can do, what i cannot do, but he thinks im bending my fustration on him.

[i]Its more than a misunderstanding [/i]
[br]
im doing 3 person job. im not complaining that im doing everything alone. i can cope it because i can MANAGE my time well. let alone u, who's still watinig for results, and not working. but wad he said to me that day really puts me off. when one hears it he could feel he's being condemned.

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well, im used to it anyway. no one really appreciates me in whatever things i do.. ya, they praise me, and thats about IT. even my ex teachers and my lects put it that way, what more can i say? im not that great anyway..

jus a memory, who cares, get on with life..

hell i took 4 hours to write this whole thing.. sian 4hrs can do alot of hw sia.. ok gtg get on doing my assignments liao. think of it dun feel like doin it.. zzz.. until my next post

gah.. sick on valentines day..
wanted to spent the night alone along the singapore river.. just take a stroll, refresh myself and to view the night scenery.. but aiyah.. sian..
had been working too hard on my assignments projects that i sleep for 4 hours everyday, and finally came down with flu on wed. a days work delayed. many homworks left undone, still. haaiz..

what does valentines day meant to me? i dont wanna think too much about it. or i'll get more depres frm thinking too much.. lol..
hav been tryin to immerse myself with heaploads of work. could prob say i fell out of love.. and long hair comes in handy for one of these days.. heh.. well, at least there the other friendship day. haha.

and now, chinese new year is coming. truthfully speaking, i dont really have the mood to go out and celebrate. i only have 2 weeks more to prepare to hand in my assignment projs. since im not goin back to malaysia, i dont intend to go out anywhere - nvr go out play, nvr go out buy new clothes... just stay at home and continue workin on my assignment.. well i'll be spending the next few days at home unless my mum pulls me along.. or somebody joo me out..

and i dont have to go back school for five consecutive days. great time for me to catch up my works.. call me a nerd or a mad dog.. for all i care..

still.. bloody depress....

i dreamt of her again. at this kind of time, most unlikely, but i did it.. i wonder how i did it.. wierd. lol
if i could still remb wad i dreamt of..

the settings in a maze of shops, in the morning, where most shops have not opened yet. i hear voices of laughter of 7 people in front of me. 5 of my closest friends in church, plus the other 3 girls the same "sunday sch level" as us. >_>

we were lost, and we're walking somewhat blindly around, with loads of laughter at the front.

i was lacking behind everyone else, distracted, as though im depress. (actually i think i dreamt i WAS depress! xD) they didnt really notice me at the back, but they just kept on walking.

and she, the 2nd last person of the group. i dreamt that i see her as a cheerful, lively girl, much different from the same girl i knew before. everyone turned at a left corner. me, still deep in thought.

she, the only one who sense that someone of the group was missing. suddenly, her head popped out of the corner and looked at me. deep in thought, i looked up at her. she winked at me, smiled back and said," com'on, faster catch up with us!"

at that instance, i felt differently. kinda of spirit-filled feeling. (aiya dunno how to describe lah.. happy feelin can liao. lol)

i ran forward to that corner. the next thing i know she was at the other end, another right corner, smiling and waving at me. i ran towards her direction as she slowly moved away frm that spot. after i reach there, she was yet at the other end, this time a left corner. the other people at the front were like forever infront of her, couldnt see them anymore but coud still hear their sunds of laughter. as i run again at that instance, i woke up. end of my dream. just like that...

one of my many wierd dreams, but actually also the first to be written down here. least this dream got me an impact big enuf for me to pen down. i wonder what i will do next. lol

(PS i realize i was late for sch after i woke up. forgot to set alram clock, nad my mum didnt wake me up.. haha)

i havnt talked to her face to face for almost a year.. when i try to engage a conversation wif her like ask her bout her day,etc. she's pissed off by me, and even blocked me on msn. its been that way for a few mths.. it must be my fault, i am to be blamed.. but what did i do to make her angry? am i to apologise to her?

ive used to have crash on her, but ive almost forgotten what she looked like. just a vague memory for her. even if she came for service every week. i didnt even dare to look her at one glance. i keep havin the feeling that the sight of me makes her angry. prob to her im just part of the landscape or best, i dont even exist.. thats what i am. i guess im just too.. haaiz.. think im gonna go gay soon.. lol

ive put down that love a long time ago when she had some prob with god (or smt like tt). i just wanna help her. but i the more i do, the more i screw it up.. im at loss. i dont know what to do for/with her. cant bear to.. let her go.. but i know i shld.. shld i or shld i not?

if i tell it to my church friends, they'll just find it a lame thing and prob make a joke out of it.. i dont find it the right time to tell it out yet.

thats the problem that bugged me for a few weeks. the shadow in me. the emptyness in me.
i never told anybody the reason why i wanna keep long hair. the "long hair is cool" tagline is part of the reason, but with long hair, i can hid my true emotions from others. thats the main reason.

and valentines day is approaching. bloody depressed agn.. sigh.. even CNY coming, my parents also not goin anywhere.. another boring chapter of my life.. zzz

all im doin is school work to keep myself busy. only managd to play at least a game of ai dota each day.. i guess thats the way how life goes on..

and now that im about to slack for a while, project assignments are already knocking at the door.. another shitload of work to do..

wake up, work, sleep.
wake up, work, sleep.
wake up, work sleep.
no outing. no play. just.. work.

thats wad ive been doin for the past 7 weeks. even during my holidays.

what am i to do with her? shld i just try woo somebody else? even if i try i'll prob back to square one agn.. haizz.. zzzz

ive just realise im a fan of luo zhi xiang.
abd he's coming to Singapore soon!!! =D





ahh shit.. an idol... xD