All of us are still growing towards spiritual maturity. Being in cell doesn’t mean I teach, you learn. Even a leader learns something from his members. Actually, there is only one leader in the cell, and I am also a member, just like you guys. But a cell works only when everyone is together, not just one or two person. Playing a supporting role makes me learn from the member’s perspective and as well as a leader’s perspective. The more responsibilities you take, the more trust you will gain. And the more sensitive you will be, towards fellow members. Experience speaks volume.

I like the dynamics of our cell. Just as the other cells, uniquely fun in its own way, and issues of our own (cell). I observed that our cell is not as loud or quiet as some, and issues are not too light or serious as the others. Some of us are being encouraged, some trying their best in different areas. What I mean is that our cell is still growing healthily and that is good!

I am not trying to compare our cell and other cell. But where other youths have tread, learn from it; do not repeat the same mistake again.

recently i realized i had been able to meditate a little, during the nights when i lie down in bed, and before i actually sleep. one of the things i brood over, was about the times being at home these few months.

the good thing about having a lot of free time is that, you are able to do many things you like; or simply laze around and not do anything. also, being able to take time to reflect on oneself, or focus on other areas outside work. however, the downside is that you will have no income, or no one has a schedule as flexible as you, and more importantly, you are alone.

i tend to compare the current times to when i was real busy in army. when i was still serving my time in Camp, i had thought that life was miserably busy, schedules were so packed i didnt had time to enjoy with friends, go hang out and stuff. i believed that life could be better if i was out of the army. then, when i had come out of it, i realized things were still the same, except the bloody opposite. i had realized that now i am very free; but my friends aren't. and im still cooped up at home.

people see me as being alone. many times, it is not that i choose to be alone; but circumstances had me to be like this. often i asked around to watch a movie, and i ended up watching alone. often i asked around to have a meal together. and i ended up eating alone. often i asked friends to hang out together, and i ended up shopping alone.

people often ask me, why do i go backpack alone. well tell me, whose schedule could have accommodate a trip for two? certain things can be enjoyed alone, but doing the same things with friends couldve be much better. sometimes i feel like a little weird, probably must be my quirky character. but tell me, have i not improved? is it the time for self-doubt?

a friend once told me, she closed down her facebook account a long time ago as it were a distraction to her. i like sharing good stuff ive come across with people, especially good photo images. however, i had been considering doing the same, but for a different cause. i had seen people whose statuses made many likes and comments. how id wished it were the same to me. but sadly i do not see the same response when i post something up. that is akin to not having an account up in the first place!

well, the fact that im still single, so im kinda used to being alone, or rather to put it in another word, not doing things together.

An article excerpt from http://goinswriter.com/travel-young/

The life you’ve always wanted

When you get older, life seems to just sort of happen to you. Your youth is a time of total empowerment.

You get to do what you want. As you mature and gain new responsibilities, you have to be very intentional about making sure you don’t lose sight of what’s important.

So if you still have a reasonable amount of control over your circumstances, you should do what really matters. Because life won’t always be just about you.

During early adulthood, your worldview is still being formed. It’s important to steward this time — to give yourself opportunities to grow. A good way to do that is to travel.

So, young person, travel.

Travel wide and far.
Travel boldly.
Travel with full abandon.

You will regret few risks you take, when it comes to this. I promise you.

There are three reasons to travel while you’re young:

1. Traveling teaches you to live an adventure

When you look back on your life, you will have moments of which you are proud and maybe a few you regret. It’s likely that the following won’t be on the latter list:

· Bicycled across the Golden Gate Bridge.

· Appeared on Italian TV.

· Hiked a Mayan ruin.

· Learned Spanish in three months.

· Toured Europe by train.

They’re not on mine (fun fact: I’ve done all of the above)

What, then, will be?

· Holding back.

· Being afraid.

· Making excuses.

· Not taking more risks.

· Waiting.

While you’re young, you should travel.

You should take the time to see the world and taste the fullness of life. It is worth whatever monetary investment or time sacrifice that is required on your part.

It’s not about being a tourist. It’s about learning the importance of experiencing true risk and adventure so that you don’t have to live in fear for the rest of your life.

2. Traveling helps you encounter compassion

In your youth, you will make choices that will define you. The disciplines you begin now will be with you for the rest of your life.

Traveling will change you like little else can. It will put you in places that will force you to care for issues that are bigger than you.

If you go to southeast Asia, you may encounter the slave trade. If eastern Europe, you may see the effects of genocide and religious persecution. If Haiti, you’ll witness the the ugly side Western paternalism.

Your heart will break.

You will begin to understand that the world is both a big and small place. You will have a newfound respect for the pain and suffering that over half of the world takes for granted on a daily basis. And you will feel more connected to your fellow human beings in a deep and lasting way.

You will learn to care.

3. Traveling allows you to get some culture

While you’re still young, you should get cultured. Get to know the world and the magnificent people that fill it.

There’s nothing quite like walking alongside the Coliseum or seeing Michelangelo’s David in person. I can describe the city of San Juan and its amazing beaches and historic sites to you, but you really have to see it for yourself to experience it. You can read all the books in the world about the Great Wall of China or The Louvre, but being there is a different story.

The world is a stunning place, full of outstanding works of art. See it.

Do this while you’re still young. Do not squander this time. You will never have it again.

You have a crucial opportunity to invest in the next season of your life now. Whatever you sow, you will eventually reap.

Please. For your sake, do this.

You won’t always be young. And life won’t always be just about you. So travel. Experience the world for all it’s worth. Become a person of culture, adventure, and compassion.

I enjoyed the days when people were thinking i had been idling everyday.

it was such a slow pace lifestyle, not many people get to do it. privileged i guess?

While doing work can be stressful, I think that even idling can be stressful, depending on how time is used. They have no bloody idea what i was going through. How about the term: Intense idling?

I had been spiritually productive.

Not physically productive.

Well, that does not necessarily meant I had been meditating intensely, but I had been confronting my fears, as I might put it. I realize I had been with the younger people for so long, I didnt feel like an adult at all. Actually, I had never really worked before; not even intern. I kinda didnt like working at all, and my original intention was to avoid employment for as long as I can, taking own sweet time to build portfolios, update my works, learning to write CVs and cover letters, etc. Perhaps I am too comfortable being at home all the time. (so far these 4 mths i had spent only about $200+)

In all that I do, I hate to compete with people, fighting over something; it is just not me. I didnt like these kind of art/talent/academic competitions, everything fast paced & in rush. I want to do it at my own acceptable pace. Probably thats why i tend to lose out more. But that doesnt meant i will not fight it out. If i have to, i will.

While avoiding employment, I had been thinking about experiencing life, dealings with death & apocalypse, about my finances and the future, marriage, the friends whom i call, and especially studying overseas.

Then I think about how God has been providing me, during this period. It made me focus on fostering relationship with churchies. Thinking of ways to make a difference on just one, or maybe two persons life.

I quite like this quote from Nanny McPhee:

When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay.

When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go.

It's rather sad, really, but there it is.

The more i think about it, the more depress i get. In the end, i am still alone. I dont have the motivation anymore. not like last time. Yeah, sounds morbid.

When i look at the time, i know, my time is over. The next generation is coming up, so I might disappear anytime soon. Not because of any conflicts, but I have to.

Without me, the world still revolve, and maybe a happier place.

And when i disappear, I know, Ive already made some difference in at least one person's life. That is enough.

A Regular in the army once told me this, about a certain mega church in Singapore: "there is bound to have a lot of hypocrites in the church. At least I can still use rank in the army."

He was a master sergeant.

He's damn right. Many times I felt the same way too. But I think that is just not the worth to sacrifice 20 years of friends for one bloody criticism.

The thing is, we cannot please everyone. I have tried it many times before, and failed.

I often deal with the same issues, when i was younger. I guess it was common for everyone in certain part of their growth. As for me, it took me many episodes before I began to understand what it takes to love an enemy. I have to be the change myself first. To reflect on my own actions that may have caused hurt in others, I may not be aware of. Or perhaps i did not handle correctly. That is, to be sensitive to others, other than my circle of friends.

I liked a phrase from Naturo Manga:

Its not that if you become a Hokage (leader) everyone will acknowledge you.

It is the ones that are acknowledged that can become Hokage (leader)

http://www.mangapark.com/manga/Naruto/c552/all

I believe that if I were the first, a Changed person in Character, whatever people have said are just accusations of the past. I dont have to pay too much attention to it. Naturally, they will come to realize it. But of course, to be able to clear an misunderstanding maturely would be the fastest way to solve the problem. Speaking with experience trains one to be tactful in words, to be able to handle sensitive issues with care.

I realized that to solve a situation requires both parties to communicate properly. It takes a lot of courage for an initiator to be humble, to be the one to initiate an apology, regardless right or wrong. It definitely hurts. But if the latter does not even want to communicate, then there is nothing more you can do as the other party is not willing. Thats just being immature and deserves to be council-ed..

To be able to use that same "love & concern for your friends" to someone that didn't like you/you don't like, that's a beautiful achievement.

In all things that you do, touch your heart and do it righteously. People wont find fault.

but when you go astray without knowing, the Shepard has the responsible to drag you back whether you like it or not.

Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

Colossians 3:9-10 NIV

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what Gods will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 NIV

When we watch movies in the cinema, people often only remember two person, other than the casts: Director & Producer. and then they look into the storyline/plot. sometimes they stay behind to wait for that cliffhanger to the next sequel.

well, other than these two people, most audiences forget about the rest of crew that actually made the movie possible. it is pretty sad. films are not made by just two person alone. Steven Speilberg, James Cameron, Peter Jackson, Michael Bay wont be today without these unsung people.

while there may be alot of boring names at the end credits, but it shown for a reason. it actually shows us what kind of people, or companies that were involved in the making.

for example, if the blockbuster movie has got animations, or special effects. it shows you the what company were involved. And then you see a long list of korean names, or japanese names. The people who were involved. and then u start to realize that it actually took this much of people to make the character move. its pretty amazing.

or if the credits shows little known jobs that actually somehow contributed to the films.

or how many Makeup artists, or Editors, or Stuntmen they hired just for the film.

Imagine u worked for the film, and it shows up in the credits. but people walks out of the cinema totally disregard the credits.

so you see, watching movies is not just about story/plot/ effects. End credits are equally important as the main subject. i think that this is what makes me appreciate movies more than other people. while its easy for us audience to judge the movie is good or bad, but remember the people in the credits.

Recently i realized i have a unique interest in genre of songs, perhaps no one else has similar taste as me. Being unique and diverse is good in a sense, but sometimes i get the feeling i cant relate much to others in terms of songs they listen to. I believe some of the favorite songs many people listen to are english pop songs, or maybe technos and rocks, with artistes such as GaGa, Justin Beiber, Katy Perry and perhaps that shuffling song. Chinese pop songs, say artistes Jay chou, SHE, etc.

They are all nice songs. but i dont really like English songs at all, for some odd reasons. I'd prefer songs of other languages, country, sentimental, anime-styles. and what kind of songs do i listen to, u'd might ask. well, this post is dedicated to the list of my favorites, at the moment.

Language of songs i listen to:

1) Japanese

2) Chinese

3) Hokkien

4) Korean (a bit only)

Genre:

1) Sentimental

2) Anime

3) Christian

4) Instrumental

3) Oldies (starting to appreciate)

Fav. Band:

FictionJunction YUUKA.

FictionJunction is a girl band that sings mostly for anime. the singers have strong vocals.

among the vocalists, Yuuka is by far the best and the most prettiest. i came across this band becasue of my love for Gundam Seed series.

Kalafina

This band was newly formed not long ago, with its vocalists branching out from the former FictionJunction. and the main person behind the former and the latter is none other than Yuki Kajiura. she is one of the most genius music producer in the anime industry, but not that famous outside the circle.

Chinese: Luo Zhi Xiang

I liked his songs not because he can dance well, but his song lyrics are really meaningful. he is also one of the most hardworking artiste in his industry. Growing up with him was fun.

English Band for whatever genre:

Celtic Women.

Hokkien; Jiang Hui

Most prolific hokkien singer in Taiwan. Some of her songs are easy to pick up.

Favorite Oldies Songs

城裡的月光-許美靜

Ieraishian (夜来香)

Ame no Yo no Hana (雨夜花)

Songs Currently into:

Noriko Mitose

- Hanayome Ningyo (bride doll)

- Volevo Un Gatto Nero 「黒猫のタンゴ」

- Shalom Chaverim

Noriko Mitose probably an unknown Japanese artiste, but she has christian backgrounds.

Her songs are, well, intriguing.

今年的教会生活营到槟城，是第二次到那里， 以往年参与过的不同。

这次是自己一个到那里游玩。在这四天三夜里，我从讲道中学习到了很多， 所以就分享那时第三天的见证。

本来想用第三天去看槟城， 一些地方我一直都很想去的。 槟城北部的自然保护区公园里的灯塔， 还有槟城西部的 balik pulau看日落。我有去过那里山上有个泰国餐馆，美景望着槟城西部。 我熟系路程，所以星期天晚上睡觉前， 就找了营长来谈我的计划。

可是最终由于营长以父母立场下，不放心一个人到自然保护区公园走一趟，就没去了。只是下午到balik pulau 看日落。就自己搭公共巴士到KOMTAR 让后专车到那里。 不要看槟城岛小；整个路程花了2 小时从东部到西部。巴士走在上山时，里面乘客篇只有我一个人。

到了山上才发现其实餐馆在山上更上面， 又爬了了1。2 公里。累死了。边爬边看着风景，又看到了那时讲员 苏志青牧师提过的榴莲树有放网的， 蛮有趣的。然后偶尔有车上下波，感觉自己爬的像白痴似的。

然后到了那餐馆是5 点。但为了赶回来参与赞美敬拜和讲道8点开始， 只待了1 时那里，边吃晚餐，边看日落。 后来要下山时，餐馆的老板，一位老伯好心，骑着摩托车带我下山等巴士回城。下波时有哪个会倒下来，会飞的感觉，还蛮刺激的。可是山下等巴士还真需要忍耐，等了40分。上巴士时，就接近8点了。我心里开始紧张，在想SIAO LIAO， 赶不来，回到酒店会怎样。到了komtar，9点出， 就立刻找公共电话联络营长手机报安，就是刚好又没接。之后到了酒店就接近10点了。。

虽然最后晚的信息最重要的，没赶到，但在这些事情发生当中， 其实神让我操练了凭信； 这营会里一直都在讨论的信息。让我真正领悟到信心的绊脚石：舒适，自我，恐惧。 整个过程中，当我完全凭着信心依靠神时，心里是平安的。

只是不晓得营长在我那段时间过头时，有“凭信”吗。。

hi. im back to blogspot, after some 2 years of hiatus. :)