i seriously wonder what we're waiting for....

i went back to M'sia (mum's side) to attend a wedding dinner. unfortunately, not mine. ray, who was supose to come, was unable to attend because of some passport issues.

and so i sat with my cousins, the 'childrens' table. 7 girls. heh, how lucky can i get?

we were served with beverages, and some crackers as soon as we sat down. i drank wine. the rest drank coke. heh small children...

the first dish of the wedding dinner. prob the best one of all. lol.

and then came the yam seng part. my relatives - the adults side.

another cousin of mine. only a year older than me. drinks wine also. only both of us are the 'uncles' of the 'childrens table..

heh, they looked more like an item than cousins. his hiarstyle forever same.. :P

my cousin with his mum, my 2nd aunt behind. the couple in front are the newly weds. smts wrong with the weds? yeah i know, keep the comments to yourselves.. im not close to them either.

me, taken by me. no lah. by some kid... they think my cam wad - toy ah.. haha.. even my cousins (the girls) asked me if i had rebond my hair... yeah and some of my relatives say i looked more like some big stars.. wth wads wrong with me lol.

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after the dinner we stayed over at my cousins house. that night the adults played blackjack while the children played tai di from 11pm to 4.30am. practically everyone in the house is gambling. WTH???

the next morning...

my ber ku's (dunno how to translate, but is my relative lah.. lol) art studio. and everyones playing his comp. im not even interested. nope, no dota, CS, or gunbound. not even internet. just those super low quality cd-rom games. even his photoshop is stil version 5.5. wth wads wrong with everyone lol.

his small comp room got so crampy, some went out watch tv...

the girls all very suay bian hoh.. look at the legs.. lol.


and so i decided to play a fool.. can u spot which pair of legs are mine? wahahahah xD

i once had 3 good friends. lets call them Friend A,B,C. Friend A was kinda a highly inteligent dude. Friend B was kinda his sidekick, who likes to joke about. Friend C was kinda of the ruffian type,(he better not hear this lol).

all of them, the came from rich family backgrounds, except for me who lived in HDB flat, and we've been to each others homes before.

the first CCA id ever joined was boys brigade. i joined partially becuase of thier influence. we were pretty much together until one fateful day...

Friend C started to tell the other two friends the negative side of me. probably because he feels that im from the "lower class society" that he started pulling the toher two friends away from me. and whenever i spoke to friend A and B, C would jus say sacarstic things about me, and all the attention fell all on him. it went on for monts. i felt that i was insignificant in the eyes of my friends. even these 3 guys were quite popular with the girls in my class at the time. nobody gave a dman about me then. i was pretty much alone.

this was my downfall. my very first despression. heh, i was primary 5 then. i didnt tell anyone, not even my parents.

this incident made me thought about the meaning of true friendship for quite some time.. and as u know me, the more i think, the more depress i get. and it carried on to my pri 6 year. when i was in pri 6 practically none of my classmates spoke to me. well, perhaps only when they need my help.. becasue of this ive even thought of suicide before.. until finally i couldnt stand it any longer, i decided to seek help from auntie mureen, one of those church people whom i often see in school then. she was the one who consulted me. i had to thank her for that.

she made my three friends aware of my situations, and she told me what i could do in those situations. subsiquently i got better from my depression. but my relationships with my friends wasnt any better. i was still partially depressed about the friendship, even after my PSLE. it affected my PSLE badly, but thank god i was able to enter into the express stream.

me and my friends broke up since then. friend A and B went to a very good victoria sec school, while friend C and i in SHSS (we didnt contact in anyway even though we were in same sch, same level.)

even when i was in my sec years the days were pretty sad for me, i didnt had any real friends i could lean on. even my friends from church. they see me as a glum person, but they couldnt detect my problem. i didnt want to tell them, as i felt the time wasnt right. it only makes me more depress if i tell them then.

even until now, i still kept it from them. the only person i told was uncle mark. all i hinted to them was that i cherish friendship more than anything else, and i fear rejection. as for wheather they could understand how i feel, either they read my blog, or they wait until the day i told them everything...

after 3 weeks of stress, 96 hours of sleepless nights, 8 cans of coffee, and prob 10 hours of greuling assessment.. i just woke up from my deep slumber (24 hours of sleep actually).

the time has come.. the day everyone has been waiting for. 4 months of holiday. wahaha.. it just feels great. or maybe not..

gosh now i havta think wad im gonna do during my 4 mths break.. everytime when im busy, the worlds free. and when im free the world is busy. where my holiday just started, everyones march holidays ending soon.

sounds like i just have to spend the time doing things alone. i will prob just sit at the comp desk and get stressed from thinking too much like i always do. and soon get depressed again..


*sigh* because of these times of assessment periods, im almost too used to not sleepling. now i cant sleep at night for nuts.

pherhaps its time to revise on my "purpose driven life" agn.. hahaha..

72 more hours to submission.

everything is almsot done. excpet for flash animation. unless ive got extra time, i plan to drop it. fail tat module. why? there isnt much time left, and its bloody time consuming. im not good with flash anyway.. but arghh.. the cost for retaking the module pains me.. x_X

why isnt anybody prayin for me? i dont get any motivation at all. except that all the limelights on someone whos goin into the army. well, wish him luck. as for me, life just sucks. had been too careless these few days; unknowingly lost someones memory card. damned. during my previous assessments i even lost someones digital cam.
stupid loss of sleep.

well, thats all i have to say. what the heck am i babbling...
now, get on with work...