i once had 3 good friends. lets call them Friend A,B,C. Friend A was kinda a highly inteligent dude. Friend B was kinda his sidekick, who likes to joke about. Friend C was kinda of the ruffian type,(he better not hear this lol).

all of them, the came from rich family backgrounds, except for me who lived in HDB flat, and we've been to each others homes before.

the first CCA id ever joined was boys brigade. i joined partially becuase of thier influence. we were pretty much together until one fateful day...

Friend C started to tell the other two friends the negative side of me. probably because he feels that im from the "lower class society" that he started pulling the toher two friends away from me. and whenever i spoke to friend A and B, C would jus say sacarstic things about me, and all the attention fell all on him. it went on for monts. i felt that i was insignificant in the eyes of my friends. even these 3 guys were quite popular with the girls in my class at the time. nobody gave a dman about me then. i was pretty much alone.

this was my downfall. my very first despression. heh, i was primary 5 then. i didnt tell anyone, not even my parents.

this incident made me thought about the meaning of true friendship for quite some time.. and as u know me, the more i think, the more depress i get. and it carried on to my pri 6 year. when i was in pri 6 practically none of my classmates spoke to me. well, perhaps only when they need my help.. becasue of this ive even thought of suicide before.. until finally i couldnt stand it any longer, i decided to seek help from auntie mureen, one of those church people whom i often see in school then. she was the one who consulted me. i had to thank her for that.

she made my three friends aware of my situations, and she told me what i could do in those situations. subsiquently i got better from my depression. but my relationships with my friends wasnt any better. i was still partially depressed about the friendship, even after my PSLE. it affected my PSLE badly, but thank god i was able to enter into the express stream.

me and my friends broke up since then. friend A and B went to a very good victoria sec school, while friend C and i in SHSS (we didnt contact in anyway even though we were in same sch, same level.)

even when i was in my sec years the days were pretty sad for me, i didnt had any real friends i could lean on. even my friends from church. they see me as a glum person, but they couldnt detect my problem. i didnt want to tell them, as i felt the time wasnt right. it only makes me more depress if i tell them then.

even until now, i still kept it from them. the only person i told was uncle mark. all i hinted to them was that i cherish friendship more than anything else, and i fear rejection. as for wheather they could understand how i feel, either they read my blog, or they wait until the day i told them everything...