recently i realized i had been able to meditate a little, during the nights when i lie down in bed, and before i actually sleep. one of the things i brood over, was about the times being at home these few months.

the good thing about having a lot of free time is that, you are able to do many things you like; or simply laze around and not do anything. also, being able to take time to reflect on oneself, or focus on other areas outside work. however, the downside is that you will have no income, or no one has a schedule as flexible as you, and more importantly, you are alone.

i tend to compare the current times to when i was real busy in army. when i was still serving my time in Camp, i had thought that life was miserably busy, schedules were so packed i didnt had time to enjoy with friends, go hang out and stuff. i believed that life could be better if i was out of the army. then, when i had come out of it, i realized things were still the same, except the bloody opposite. i had realized that now i am very free; but my friends aren't. and im still cooped up at home.

people see me as being alone. many times, it is not that i choose to be alone; but circumstances had me to be like this. often i asked around to watch a movie, and i ended up watching alone. often i asked around to have a meal together. and i ended up eating alone. often i asked friends to hang out together, and i ended up shopping alone.

people often ask me, why do i go backpack alone. well tell me, whose schedule could have accommodate a trip for two? certain things can be enjoyed alone, but doing the same things with friends couldve be much better. sometimes i feel like a little weird, probably must be my quirky character. but tell me, have i not improved? is it the time for self-doubt?

a friend once told me, she closed down her facebook account a long time ago as it were a distraction to her. i like sharing good stuff ive come across with people, especially good photo images. however, i had been considering doing the same, but for a different cause. i had seen people whose statuses made many likes and comments. how id wished it were the same to me. but sadly i do not see the same response when i post something up. that is akin to not having an account up in the first place!

well, the fact that im still single, so im kinda used to being alone, or rather to put it in another word, not doing things together.