i dont share what ive shared here even with my church friends, let alone my school friends. like u know them, everytime something is said, a very suan reply shoots back. sometimes when i reveal the true emo me, but they thought i wasnt quite the usual me. no use arguing, i might as well bottle it up. what would they know? NOTHING. all they do is to lame around. i mean, its very hard to pour out the sorrows, for they're forever making joke out of everything. i doubt they could really understand how i feel, although their mouth says so. its easier to follow through what we always do than finding out new things like tellin out and being mocked. nobody likes that feeling.

as the pastor onced quoted frm the bible, "if u love god, u must first love your brothers."

does the 'love' only meant laming around together? no. jus as having a girlfriend or a boyfriend, if u love him/her, u must first understand him/her first. likewise, if you dont understand me in the first place, there wont be any 'love' between us. everybody would be at the shallow 'friend friend' relationship level, where we only get together to chat about WoW, dota, maple, etc. well i dun force people anyway if thats what they are, let them be.

ive tried to 'love my brothers" before, and im still doin it now. like whomever my friends need help, i would always try to help them whenever, however i can. u can vouch me for that right? lol. but the real question is, how many of them really treated me as a true brother? even my small bro dun really treat me as his older brother. so its kinda hard to like him. (hey im still trying. my own bro afterall lol). but really, the old things gotta make way for new stuffs - if u could even move it..

and then i turned my attention to that 'ohh-so-special' girl. to 'love yur bros' not jus meant only brother brother right? sometime i feel.. arrgghhh!! soo hard to interact with her. i do not know how is she really, but i feel that shes almost similiar to me, where she also bottle things up and spends time only with her best friend, like i always spent time with Ray (RIGHT THATS YOU) and only he knows me like my mum, inside and out.

and to my school friends. there are even people who walk pass me and didnt realized i exist in the first place. that hurts. its like i wanna greet you and u just pretend im a spirit u cant see me and continue wad you're doing. pretty sad.. i hate my life.. even until now..

haaizz.. wad to do? continue to exist loh sian..